im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
