$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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