I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
