So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
