i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
