Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
