Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She needs sedatives and a leash
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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