OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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