I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
