it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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