the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
