I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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