I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
