Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
