She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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