But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
