sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
