just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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