Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
