Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
