why didn't you poke me back
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
