I should be sponsored by Trojan
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
