you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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