Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
