its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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