i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You were trust falling into bushes
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
