Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
false alarm, still single
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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