he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
