what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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