She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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