At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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