I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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