We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
