Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
