You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
