my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
