my phone needs a breathalizer
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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