He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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