I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
