Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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