I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
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