I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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