I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
sarcasm needs its own font
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
