im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
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