My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
high people should be assigned attendants
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
