I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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