It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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