she looked like the before picture.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
