Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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