quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
