Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
