there's paper in my vomit.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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