We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You made out with two different species that night
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
