just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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