my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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