I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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